The One Time My Heart Won the Battle...

So, I previously stated how my mind hampers me sometimes - er, most times - causing me to not act, not trust, not believe, not...well you get the point. People oft talk about the power of the heart; how it can overcome the brain/mind. Well, I was always cynical about it because my mind holds such a powerful force over me. Sometimes, even when my heart wanted to take the lead, my mind overruled it. Scratch that, most times. It might be sad to say, but my perpetually blue and cynical mind lost the battle once and it potentially will only strengthen the grip my mind has on me because I think the heart will lead me to grief rather than happiness; at least so far that's been the case.

I know I shouldn't like her, I know I can "do better," or she "isn't worth it." That's probably the truth but I can't get past it. I can't stop thinking about her, and it equally eats away at me because this entire situation leaves me stupendously confused and uneasy. If she doesn't feel the same way, that's fine; but the situation is so gray. She says how she "still cares for me a lot," but her flirty nature scares me; plus, this other guy seems to be mad hitting on her and she acknowledges him. I don't want to come across as desperate - I just want to know the truth but the situation is so difficult because I work with her and I don't want to ruin that atmosphere. F*** distances. I don't know what it is but there is something about her that keeps me attracted even though I know that I should just stop. Maybe it's because early in the summer we were talking and I ended up saying something like I "don't have a heart." She told me that I have a heart, so I said well "I guess I at least have a half a heart, if you find the other half let me know," and she responded, "maybe I'll just keep it." Well, I think she found it - and kept it. I just don't think she even remembers or realizes that conversation. I'm different from others, as cynical and "mad at the world" as I am, I'm a deep down romantic. Stupid heart, let me be; but stupid head, let me be. I need help...and should've brought my armor because, as the song states, love is like a battlefield! Oh well, she is and forever will be beautiful to me...